If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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