just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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