are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
