i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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