Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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