she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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