I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
is wine microwaveable?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
