is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
