Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
