so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
