One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
