It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
