i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
