Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Boobs are out for the taking
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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