3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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