Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
