I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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