Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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