Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
