He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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