i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
