Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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