i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
