508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
