I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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