They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
