Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
