my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
