but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
