Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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