so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
