All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
