Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
