Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
