I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Randomize
