He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
