I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
