I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He shit in the fireplace
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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