Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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