Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
