Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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