put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
