3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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