apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
