I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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