nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
