omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
