you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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