I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
