Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
