Nicole vs. Life
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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